24 October 2010
Command vs Control
28/10/10 09:41
You may have noticed I use the term "command" instead of control. What is the difference? Control is based on fear, the fear of not being in control or the fear of being out of control. Command is based on conscious response, command is the intention to take charge and lead the action in a direction of your choosing. I like the analogy of the captain of a ship. The captain is in command of the ship, he/she directs the action of the crew in a fashion that supports the efficient operation of the whole. A good captain is a good leader who inspires the crew to work like dogs and to take pride in working like a dog. That is true power. How does the captain do this? By making clear specific choices and committing to those choices even in the face of uncertainty. That my friends is very different from control. If the captain is obsessed with controlling the crew at all costs, the crew will lose faith and mutiny.
Control for controls sake is an obsession that leads to disaster for the simple reason that no one can truly control anything without creating some imbalance. Control is stasis, it is an attempt to stop some thing from happening or changing. Lets take the example of an actor on the stage, (something I have personal experience with). If an actor tries to control an audience they will reject him. No one likes to be manipulated. An audience does however enjoy being lead on a journey by someone who is making clear specific choices and committing to those choices with passion. We will follow a good actor down the rabbit hole if he/she is not trying to MAKE us go there even if it makes us uncomfortable. As I often tell my theater students, "you do not go on stage to NOT do something, you go on stage to DO something" and that thing is to take command of the space and lead the attention of the audience in the direction you choose.
So how does this apply to self? First you must discern the difference between the two and recognize when you are attempting to control. How do you know when you are in control mode? By the level of fear you feel. If you are feeling fear and anxiety about the thing you are trying to control, your in control mode. The hallmark of command is clarity and courage. If I am clear about what I need to do and commit to that course of action I feel courage. This level of commitment is not about being "right" or "wrong" it is about making a clear choice and following through with it. At some point in your life you must take charge if you are to succeed. Taking charge and taking command are both leading with strength and courage even when you're not sure of the outcome.
Making a clear choice
I have been working with a cancer patient for over two years now, a man in his eighties who has been fighting the good fight for almost thirty years. When I first met Herman he was very, very weak and on the verge of transitioning. He had the look of someone who knew how close to the edge he was. He asked me if I thought he could heal from his latest surgery, I asked him what his intention was. He looked puzzled, "what do you mean my intention?" Do you want to heal? His answer was “of course I do!” My next question was why? His reply was " so I can walk on the beach with my wife". Very clear and specific. "The first thing you need to do is learn how to breathe because breath is energy and you need lots of energy to heal" and so we began. One deep breath at a time, one step closer to vitality. I have seen seen Herman through three rounds of radiation, seven rounds of chemotherapy and at least three low points where I was not sure if he would survive. And yet each time I thought he was ready to pack it in, he rallied and recovered. Its really quite amazing and nothing less than miraculous, and it all comes down to Herman making the choice to live, the choice to stand up on shaky legs and do his qiqong exercises even when he is overwhelmed with fatigue, the choice to take the next deep breath and extract another liter of energy into his lungs. I have learned so much about the POWER of choice from working with this amazing man.
First Response
28/10/10 09:37
Your
first response to any situation, issue or event is to
breathe. Before you react, before your judge, before you even
think, breathe. Take a deep breath is not just a catch phrase we
tell others when they are upset, it is the master key to connection
and command. When you take a deep breath you make a connection to
your center, your emotional body and your nervous system all in one
fluid move. When you take a conscious deep breath and give
that breath your full attention, you integrate your mind, body and
awareness. You make whole what was fragmented. Being whole is
essential to being powerful.
First response is a mantra I repeat to my self all the time. As I say the words “first response” I take a deep breath and focus my full attention on what my breath feels like as well as what I am feeling physically and emotionally. Every time I do this I realign my energies and strengthen my integrity. Every time I do this I take conscious command of my energy and my actions. Every time I do this I exercise my power of conscious choice instead of unconscious reaction.
Taking the deep breath is your preparation before you launch your energy and intention into action. It is also the first of the "Four connections", breath, center, ground and space. Taking the deep breath gives you a moment to pause and check in with your command center before you attack. It gives you a moment to asses your feelings and your needs (the need to center yourself) before you respond to the issue at hand. That little pause is a huge shift in focus and energy. In the time it takes you to take one deep breath you can detach and let go of your fear of control, and shift your focus to connection and command. This is a paradigm shift from feeling powerless to being powerful, this is a shift from conditioned reaction to conscious command. In the space of one breath you can enter the neutral space of infinite possibility. From neutral you are free to see reality as it is, you are also free to choose from a limitless number of potential paths. The path you choose determines your future, all in one breath.
First response is a mantra I repeat to my self all the time. As I say the words “first response” I take a deep breath and focus my full attention on what my breath feels like as well as what I am feeling physically and emotionally. Every time I do this I realign my energies and strengthen my integrity. Every time I do this I take conscious command of my energy and my actions. Every time I do this I exercise my power of conscious choice instead of unconscious reaction.
Taking the deep breath is your preparation before you launch your energy and intention into action. It is also the first of the "Four connections", breath, center, ground and space. Taking the deep breath gives you a moment to pause and check in with your command center before you attack. It gives you a moment to asses your feelings and your needs (the need to center yourself) before you respond to the issue at hand. That little pause is a huge shift in focus and energy. In the time it takes you to take one deep breath you can detach and let go of your fear of control, and shift your focus to connection and command. This is a paradigm shift from feeling powerless to being powerful, this is a shift from conditioned reaction to conscious command. In the space of one breath you can enter the neutral space of infinite possibility. From neutral you are free to see reality as it is, you are also free to choose from a limitless number of potential paths. The path you choose determines your future, all in one breath.
The Root of all dis-ease
27/10/10 22:02
The Stress Defense Blog with Ron NaVarre
I know you have heard this before, but I feel it needs repeating. The root of all dis-ease is fear. Fear is the source of stagnation, paralysis and decay. When fear takes hold in the body and mind, dis-ease begins to grow. It starts as a mild anxiety that affects the breathing pattern, the diaphragm tightens and the ability to breathe deeply and freely decreases. As the breath shortens the awareness of oxygen deprivation sets in and anxiety increases. Anxiety creates tension and resistance and weakens the immune system which opens the gate to illness and dis-ease. Prolonged fear and anxiety break down the body-mind integrity. Without integrity of body-mind-spirit one can- not maintain ones balance, or ones health for very long. Fear is the source of ten thousand ills and misfortunes.
Fear is paralysis. The antidote to paralysis is movement. The core of all movement is the breath. By taking a full conscious breath you initiate an internal movement that weakens the grip of fear and sets the energy of fear into motion. This is the essence of courage. I define courage as fear in motion or E-motion. Courage is moving and acting even though you are afraid. It is the understanding that you cannot allow fear to paralyze you into non-action, it is not an option even if it is a possibility.
Fear is pandemic, it is the staple of humanity in this time of uncertainty and as such it is always present to some degree in someone close to you. Because the energy of fear is so prevalent it is almost impossible to avoid or escape, so stop trying. Instead, learn how to deal with fear and use fear as an opportunity to exercise and strengthen your power of command.
The real issue is not fear, but rather your response to fear, your response is always the issue. Your response is your opportunity to exercise and practice, it is your life practice that leads to self-mastery. Lets face it, if you're going to master anything in this life, this is THE thing to master. I have been wrestling with fear my whole life (like everyone else on the planet). Fear motivated me to study martial arts in the hopes of defeating fear with strength. I soon realized that physical strength is no match for fear, for once I tired, fear crept in like the tide at night and washed over me. I tried to bargain with fear by rationalizing with it and failed. Fear does not respond to rational dialogue, it flows around it and finds a loop hole in your logic. I fought fear with anger until anger made me sick and tired. I tried drugs, but when the drugs wore off I was still afraid. It wasn’t until my son was born that I found the clue that led me to a new understanding of what fear was and how it functioned.
I was playing with my son at the playground one day when he was about two years old. He was standing on a platform about four feet off the ground, I was standing in front of him with my arms out stretched trying to motivate him to jump into my arms. The thought of jumping into space was scary to him and he hesitated and backed away from the edge. I found my self mouthing the words I had heard all through my childhood, “Don't be afraid, just jump”. As I heard the words I realized how absurd they were. I was telling my son to ignore a survival instinct, to pretend that he was not feeling what he was feeling and then judging him for it as well. I pleaded and he became frustrated and angry. This was the wrong path to travel, so I stopped and took a deep breath. As I looked at my son frozen with fear, I realized something fundamental about fear. Fear was a feeling, and an energy, a specific energy whose attribute was paralysis. I saw my son locked in the grip of an energy that was not moving. I realized what was needed and I changed my approach. I acknowledged the energy and said, “it’s o.k. to be afraid, just take a deep breath, bend your knees and fly”. It took a few deep breaths to set the energy into motion and then he jumped, well sort of fell forward really, but he set his energy into motion and acted. Well, once the first jump was over he climbed right back up on that platform and jumped again and again and again, each time with more joy and excitement and a little fear. I learned from my son that day how to respond to fear. Acknowledge fear but don’t make fear the issue. Respond with courage by setting fear into motion with your breath and fly.
If you focus on fear directly it will paralyze you like the eyes of a hungry tiger. Soften your focus and observe fear with indirect awareness as if looking at it with your peripheral vision and breathe deeply and rhythmically. Send the energy of fear through your body and into the ground as you breathe. This is the secret of taking command of your mind and your energy. Practice this and master this until it becomes your first response to fear, your only response to fear. With practice you will learn to recognize fear in its infancy and take action when the energy of fear is small and weak and easy to neutralize. Fear is a signal to take action, to respond. The problem is when we wait too long to respond and the energy of fear grows too strong. The stronger the energy the more effort is required to move it. That’s why most people use anger to overcome fear. Anger is a powerful force and is often used to set ones energy into motion in the face of fear. It works, no doubt about it, but it is also a destructive force when used as the only response to fear. I know a lot of people who use anger as their primary fuel on a daily basis. After a while anger takes its toll on ones health and mental outlook. Its like using acid to fuel an automobile, after a while it eats through the body and renders the car useless.
The energy of fear can be used to your advantage. It can warn you of danger and of the need to act in a timely fashion. Listen to it without indulging in it. Soften, smile and breathe!
I know you have heard this before, but I feel it needs repeating. The root of all dis-ease is fear. Fear is the source of stagnation, paralysis and decay. When fear takes hold in the body and mind, dis-ease begins to grow. It starts as a mild anxiety that affects the breathing pattern, the diaphragm tightens and the ability to breathe deeply and freely decreases. As the breath shortens the awareness of oxygen deprivation sets in and anxiety increases. Anxiety creates tension and resistance and weakens the immune system which opens the gate to illness and dis-ease. Prolonged fear and anxiety break down the body-mind integrity. Without integrity of body-mind-spirit one can- not maintain ones balance, or ones health for very long. Fear is the source of ten thousand ills and misfortunes.
Fear is paralysis. The antidote to paralysis is movement. The core of all movement is the breath. By taking a full conscious breath you initiate an internal movement that weakens the grip of fear and sets the energy of fear into motion. This is the essence of courage. I define courage as fear in motion or E-motion. Courage is moving and acting even though you are afraid. It is the understanding that you cannot allow fear to paralyze you into non-action, it is not an option even if it is a possibility.
Fear is pandemic, it is the staple of humanity in this time of uncertainty and as such it is always present to some degree in someone close to you. Because the energy of fear is so prevalent it is almost impossible to avoid or escape, so stop trying. Instead, learn how to deal with fear and use fear as an opportunity to exercise and strengthen your power of command.
The real issue is not fear, but rather your response to fear, your response is always the issue. Your response is your opportunity to exercise and practice, it is your life practice that leads to self-mastery. Lets face it, if you're going to master anything in this life, this is THE thing to master. I have been wrestling with fear my whole life (like everyone else on the planet). Fear motivated me to study martial arts in the hopes of defeating fear with strength. I soon realized that physical strength is no match for fear, for once I tired, fear crept in like the tide at night and washed over me. I tried to bargain with fear by rationalizing with it and failed. Fear does not respond to rational dialogue, it flows around it and finds a loop hole in your logic. I fought fear with anger until anger made me sick and tired. I tried drugs, but when the drugs wore off I was still afraid. It wasn’t until my son was born that I found the clue that led me to a new understanding of what fear was and how it functioned.
I was playing with my son at the playground one day when he was about two years old. He was standing on a platform about four feet off the ground, I was standing in front of him with my arms out stretched trying to motivate him to jump into my arms. The thought of jumping into space was scary to him and he hesitated and backed away from the edge. I found my self mouthing the words I had heard all through my childhood, “Don't be afraid, just jump”. As I heard the words I realized how absurd they were. I was telling my son to ignore a survival instinct, to pretend that he was not feeling what he was feeling and then judging him for it as well. I pleaded and he became frustrated and angry. This was the wrong path to travel, so I stopped and took a deep breath. As I looked at my son frozen with fear, I realized something fundamental about fear. Fear was a feeling, and an energy, a specific energy whose attribute was paralysis. I saw my son locked in the grip of an energy that was not moving. I realized what was needed and I changed my approach. I acknowledged the energy and said, “it’s o.k. to be afraid, just take a deep breath, bend your knees and fly”. It took a few deep breaths to set the energy into motion and then he jumped, well sort of fell forward really, but he set his energy into motion and acted. Well, once the first jump was over he climbed right back up on that platform and jumped again and again and again, each time with more joy and excitement and a little fear. I learned from my son that day how to respond to fear. Acknowledge fear but don’t make fear the issue. Respond with courage by setting fear into motion with your breath and fly.
If you focus on fear directly it will paralyze you like the eyes of a hungry tiger. Soften your focus and observe fear with indirect awareness as if looking at it with your peripheral vision and breathe deeply and rhythmically. Send the energy of fear through your body and into the ground as you breathe. This is the secret of taking command of your mind and your energy. Practice this and master this until it becomes your first response to fear, your only response to fear. With practice you will learn to recognize fear in its infancy and take action when the energy of fear is small and weak and easy to neutralize. Fear is a signal to take action, to respond. The problem is when we wait too long to respond and the energy of fear grows too strong. The stronger the energy the more effort is required to move it. That’s why most people use anger to overcome fear. Anger is a powerful force and is often used to set ones energy into motion in the face of fear. It works, no doubt about it, but it is also a destructive force when used as the only response to fear. I know a lot of people who use anger as their primary fuel on a daily basis. After a while anger takes its toll on ones health and mental outlook. Its like using acid to fuel an automobile, after a while it eats through the body and renders the car useless.
The energy of fear can be used to your advantage. It can warn you of danger and of the need to act in a timely fashion. Listen to it without indulging in it. Soften, smile and breathe!